Letting Go of Being “Low Maintenance”

“I’m super chill.”
“I’m not needy.”
“I don’t ask for much.”
“I just go with the flow.”

Sound familiar?

That used to be a flex.
But now, you’re starting to wonder:

“Am I low maintenance… or have I just learned to suppress my needs to stay safe and accepted?”

Being “easy” isn’t always healthy.
Sometimes it’s code for:

• Self-abandonment
  

• People-pleasing
  

• Unspoken resentment
  

• Over-functioning while under-receiving

🧠 The Psychology Behind the “Low Maintenance” Mask

Many of us learned early that:

• Having needs made others uncomfortable
  

• Asking for things led to rejection or shame
  

• Our value was tied to how little we disrupted others
  

So we learned to be agreeable. Flexible. Accommodating.
Even when it hurt.

🚫 But Here’s the Cost

• You don’t feel fully known or seen
  

• You’re praised for being “so easy” while burning out inside
  

• You struggle to ask for what you really want — and then feel guilty when it’s offered
  

• You attract relationships where you do more and receive less
  
  

📘 Related: The Power of Attachment by Diane Poole Heller — incredible insights on adult emotional bonding and unmet needs

🛠 Reclaiming Your Right to Need

1. Start by Naming One Small Need You’ve Been Hiding

→ “I actually prefer quiet after 9 PM.”
→ “I’d rather have alone time than go out this weekend.”
→ “I need more check-ins to feel emotionally close.”

Write it. Speak it. Don’t apologize for it.

2. Redefine “High Maintenance”

What if being “high maintenance” simply means:

• Having standards
  
  

• Owning your boundaries
  
  

• Being in tune with what supports your nervous system?
  

Maybe “easy” isn’t the goal.
Maybe honest is.

3. Try This Reframe

Instead of: “I don’t need much.”

Try:

“I’m learning to ask for what nourishes me, even if it feels uncomfortable.”

That’s emotional maturity — not selfishness.

✍️ Journal Prompt

“Where in my life do I keep things ‘easy’ to avoid the risk of being too much?”

Follow it with:

“What’s one honest request I’m ready to start making?”

Bonus Tools to Support Emotional Expression

• 📱 How We Feel App — build vocabulary for emotional and interpersonal needs
  

• 🎧 Terri Cole’s “Boundary Boss” Podcast — especially episodes on over-giving and emotional boundaries
  

• 📓 Needs Inventory (PDF) — from Nonviolent Communication framework

“You don’t have to prove you’re easy to love by needing less.
You’re worthy — even when your needs feel big.”

Say less by suppressing less. Ask more by honoring more.

With courage and clarity,
- Growth Mode

Forward this to someone who keeps saying “I’m fine” when they’re not. They’re not difficult — they’re just overdue for being fully seen.